1862304688 (F) by Gareth Thompson

Author:Gareth Thompson [Thompson, Gareth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: RHCP
Published: 2009-02-04T22:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-FOUR

EARLY NEXT MORNING, with my heart in turmoil, I headed back down to The Forge. I let myself in quietly, and made it to my bedroom unseen. My soft pillow became Angel’s impish body, which I hugged and caressed before sitting up and punching fierce dents into it. Then I began to steel myself for the battles ahead. Before going downstairs, I put my cap and sunglasses in the pockets of my zip-up hoodie. Now I couldn’t even trust Angel’s sugary words about how I looked, so I was back to square one.

We had some daily papers delivered to The Forge, for punters to read over their pints. They were on the kitchen table when I went down for late breakfast. I wore my LEGALIZE DA’ERB T-shirt, which I rated as Mum’s second least favourite of mine.

‘And a good day to you,’ she whined. She’d dyed her hair with what could have been red ink. It lay flat like a man’s hairpiece. She waddled across and grabbed my locks. ‘Time for a chop,’ she said. ‘Where’s your billhook?’

‘Get knotted,’ I said, pushing her away.

‘Ooooh! What happened to Mr Smiley? Was yesterday your one nice day of the year?’

‘Yep. That’s it. Normal nastiness from now on.’

‘Hmmph. You’ll be off with those nutters in the Phoenix Army next, or whatever. It’s all over the nationals now.’

My stomach lurched like I was seasick. I grabbed the Sun, open on the table. It was the main story on page seven, nicked from the Evening Post’s version. This was the loud headline:

LOONIES IN THE LAKES!

A maniac terror group in Cumbria has issued death threats against second-home owners. The People’s Army says they will burn all new holiday houses. Led by the so-called ‘Cumbrian Phoenix’, the group . . .

There was something similar among the Star’s gossip and scandals. Page nine . . .

IT’S THE FARMY ARMY!

War has been declared on the Lake District’s posh frocks by a fanatic known as the ‘Cumbrian Phoenix’. Along with over a hundred others, the Phoenix is ready to burn rich oiks out of house and home.

Police in Cumbria are already hunting the Phoenix after he issued his threats via a local paper. They believe he may be a serial offender, with a grudge against the well-to-do. His ‘People’s Army’ wants an end to new holiday homes, built for loaded incomers who drive out the locals.

And so it went on. It said the cops were examining the letter, and its ‘badly faked writing on the envelope’. My fingerprints would be all over it, but they’d have to check half the county’s first to reach mine.

My head throbbed with raw nerves. It felt like the hot sun outside was a spotlight searching for me. Any second now it would burn through the ceiling, and sirens would scream at the door. Five years in prison would follow, with hairy primates trying to rape me in the showers.

‘When you’ve finished ogling Page Three girls,’ said Mum, ‘there’s a load of peas need shelling.’

‘Use tinned ones,’ I said, and got whacked with raw rhubarb.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.